I realized something during my retreat weekend and it was one of the things discussed, I need to set boundaries in my life with various things/people. Usually I let other people dictate my schedule and what I am doing with my time and so on but not anymore. Of course setting boundaries is extremely difficult and in the process I’ve hurt people (unintentionally) but in the end I have to do what’s best for me and my family. I just need to learn to speak with grace and I am sure that will come over time. This weekend is a perfect example of boundaries being set/unintentional hurt. One of my closest girlfriend’s son is a week to the day younger then Madison. We were invited to his 7th birthday party and I left going up in the air because I wanted to de-funk our house due to the flu ragging throughout it last week. On Thursday one of my other girlfriend’s mom lost her battle to cancer and went home to the Lord, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it to the party because I needed to be there for her and her family. So on Sunday my husband had planned on taking the kids over there and told me in the early morning to let them know he would be there around 2pm. Well, little did we know Oliver would not go down for his nap at his usual time. He ended up falling asleep around 12:30 and he usually sleeps for 2-3 hours (the length of the party) so I texted my girlfriend to let her know Al and the kids wouldn’t be attending because Ollie fell asleep late. She was extremely upset and honestly I don’t blame her. I did just tell her a few hours before that they were coming. Of course I felt terrible but in the end I knew that I was doing what was best for the family at the time. I talked with her later and told her how sorry I was and that I wasn’t intentionally trying to blow her off and I think we are ok. I will most likely touch base with her again and see when we can all get together again and soon.
Another boundary I have a hard time setting is house/yard work. I tell myself I’m not going to let it get in the way of spending time with the kids and I will do it when they go to sleep but I am just so tired I don’t want to deal with it. This weekend I took advantage of a quiet Saturday morning to rid the house of all the germy funk so I dusted, vacuumed and mopped all of the upstairs. Just in time for some awesome weather that prompted us to open some windows! Alan was with the kids watching TV and playing with them so I was happy to clean because no one cleans as well as I do. But I didn’t get to spend as much time with them as I would have liked. We did take them to the park for some fresh air later in the day so that was nice. They got much needed fresh air and got to let out all of that pent up winter energy. The point is I need to take care of house work but I need to spend time with the kids so I may start getting Madison involved with laundry and some other things. That way we can spend time together and keep a clean home. I also need to motivate myself after they go to sleep to take care of at least one task that way on the weekends it doesn’t consume all the time like it normally does. Baby steps, baby steps! At the end of the day if my house is 100% not straight that is ok. If my children go to sleep happy, safe and loved then I’ve won an even bigger battle in life.
We are extremely blessed that our children have such a wonderful and loving extended family that are generous when it comes to birthdays and Christmas!! Last weekend was the birthday party extravaganza for Madison during the day and both the kids in the evening. Madison’s kid party was so much fun for her! I think Alan I did well for our first kid party. Some things I’ve learned thanks to my sister: Have stuff for them to do. When they don’t have structured time they go CRAZY! Next year if we do a children’s party there will be a craft and a game. Only invite school friends. I invited all of her cousin’s as well because I was afraid she wouldn’t have anyone there. Thankfully they didn’t show up until the evening party or that would have been chaos! For the amount of money we spent we could have had a party somewhere else and not have had to deal with all the clean up! Yep! Next year I will let Madison choose where she wants to have her party. Cake, ice cream and presents will just be reserved for family only!!! Even though it was a bit much we did have a great time. It was nice to meet some of the parents of Madison’s friends and see my daughter having fun. She got some really cool stuff from her friends. Here are some pictures to highlight the monsters birthdays!
Until next year…..Time can stop moving so they can stay little forever!
This weekend is going to be extremely busy so I figured I would write my birthday post about Madison today. Seven years ago on Friday April 6th, I entered the lifetime journey of motherhood. While I am extremely blessed and proud to call Madison my daughter it has not been an easy road to travel. In the beginning I was extremely scared to be responsible for another life because at the time she was born I could barely take care of myself. In the last seven years she has taught me what true and selfless love is all about. We have grown up and grown together. She is the most fun loving little Miss I’ve ever met and I’m so thankful that she picked me to be her mommy! She has such a passion and love for life and she lives every day to the fullest, she loves unconditionally and pushes everyone around her to be better. It is extremely hard not like Madison because she has such a contagious personality. She loves Mermaids and in fact wishes she could become one. Her imagination takes her to wonderful places and I’m lucky enough to be taken too. I asked her what her favorite part of her sixth year of life was and she replied, “Spending time with you.” Wow, talk about making me tear up. Her heart is so big and her laughter and light outshines even my darkest of days. Being a mother is not an easy thing to be but having Madison for my daughter makes my life a lot sweeter.
Happy birthday to my growing daughter, I love you to the ends of the earth and back. I hope you enjoy your 7th year of life and it brings you everything you deserve.
This has been a trying week for me emotionally and psychically and it’s only Wednesday. One of my brother’s friends had brain surgery Monday to try to take care of his AVM and it did not go as planned. He is in recovery and doing as well as he can. Sunday night after the kids got settled into bed I text messaged him and told him that I knew how worried he was about his surgery. I sent him a bible verse that really helped me over the weekend. He replied back that I made him smile and cry at the same time. So I went to sleep that night knowing to trust in the Lord and that I told Kevin to do so as well. The verse I shared with him was:
5 Trust in the LORDe with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your pathsf straight.
Monday one of my best friends reached out to me with extremely personal concerns that she has been having on a reoccurring basis about every month or so. This time in my advice I didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear and she got extremely upset and blocked me from her phone and all social media. I am upset by her choice but this isn’t the first time she did something like this out of anger or rage. I am ok in my decision to let her be and if she wants to reconnect I am here for her. Yesterday my mom took Oliver to the Dr. for his cough and as it turns out he has strep throat. My MIL is sitting at home with him until the afternoon and then Alan is going to finish it. I think the theme that keeps hitting me in the face so far this week is that I simply do not have control over anything and what will be will be. The only thing I have control over is myself and my reactions to things. This makes me think of the serenity prayer that is spoken at AA meetings:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
This is so true for me especially since I have control issues. Another thing that is extremely new to me is not getting overwhelmed with all the things I have to do. I have spent WAY TOO much time living in the future which hasn’t occurred, to stop to live in the present. Living in the present so far this week has been such a rewarding/exhausting feeling. I also haven’t felt the need to yell at the kids and the anger that was inside of me before my retreat has slowly fizzled. Yes I still get angry, I just don’t SCREAM and yell like I did before. Madison has been listening so well this week too. I think it has to do with the fact that am simply asking and not barking it at her to do it. Our retreat leader, Jamie said if the end result does not lead to death then there is no reason to fight and I agree whole heartedly. So that being said……this is where I’m on spiritual path!
I think I jinxed myself…….and my family. After coming home from my church retreat, my son’s cough that started Friday had gotten worse. Since I started a new job less than 90 days ago and don’t have any sick paid time off, Alan stayed at home with him. He was extremely hesitant to do so and that made me very annoyed. So instead of yelling at him this morning I asked him to take his temperature under his arm and add a degree to determine if he should go to the sitter’s house. Sure enough he had a 101 degree fever. So he ended up staying home with him. We are able to give him his inhaler that he has had forever from a previous time being sick and if he does not improve tomorrow we will have to call the Dr.’s office so they can see him. Poor stinker doodle! He looked so sick in the eyes when I got home yesterday. This week is going to be extremely busy for us. I am gone almost every night this week after work doing various things including class and the kid’s birthday party is Saturday. That means I have to start my prep work Thursday night along with cleaning the house. Which truth be told it isn’t that bad at all. For that I am thankful. We keep up pretty well with our main living areas. It’s the bed rooms and laundry that we have problems getting to. I will make daily list as to what I want to accomplish that evening and that’s about it. I can only do what I can do and I’m not about to run myself down and not be able to enjoy my family at the party. I am looking forward to it because entertaining is always something fun!
Well it is back to work for me…Say a prayer for Ollie-do that he is better by this weekend.
Like I have said in previous blogs, 2014 has been introducing a lot of changes in my life. One of the things I decided this year was to strengthen my faith in the Lord and start on a journey to do so. Alan and I belong to a wonderful church, and every twelve weeks they offer a retreat called Making Peace. This retreat is for people who are struggling in life with various things and helps them let it go and live in peace. I will tell you after experiencing this retreat this weekend I feel like something has changed in me. I feel like I have the tools to communicate better, understand that Jesus has a plan for me and trust in that, and that I am able to let go off my emotional baggage. After the retreat you will stay with your small group for twelve weeks and continue to work the steps of the program. Our first meeting is next week and I am extremely excited and nervous for this adventure. I really hope that this experience leads me to a better sense of self, being completely happy with myself, strengthening my faith in the Lord and helping others strengthen their faith as well.
Check back periodically as I share with you my journey in strengthening my faith and walking with the Lord.